The Hard Rock Cafe has no rocks.

THEO THE UNIMPRESSED

Homecoming today. Ugh.

It might be okay, though. I dunno.

One time, when I was about seven, my family took me out to this diner place for my birthday. I ordered a glass of milk, but since they heard it was my birthday, they brought out chocolate milk instead. Except, I hate chocolate, but since they had gone to all the trouble, I drank it anyway.

What is a weird childhood memory that you have?

So, you know how when your leg falls asleep; you can't really move it or control it at all because it 's numb?

Yeah, it's a bad idea to try to walk down stairs when like that.

Ow.

THEO, WHO IS ACTUALLY SMART SOMETIMES, REALLY, JUST NOT TODAY

I posted that I was happy four days ago and haven't yet dropped dead or had anything bad happen to me. Have I traveled to an alternate universe where the world isn't out to get me? Discuss.

THEO THE PARANOID

I think I am the only person ever who likes the first week or so of school. I really do, though. Everything is still all clean and organized. It's nice.

THEO THE CONTENTED

Asher is getting his wisdom teeth out today. I have a feeling that, somehow, this will result in me having to look after him.

THEO THE AGGRIEVED

So, I'm back. I'm also really tired. I really didn't like camp. I'm really glad to be back and to see my dog. Also to see Jess. She was at pre-season when I got back but she is coming over after she showers.

I really didn't like camp. There was this one guy in my bunk who wasn't nice. Whatever.

I was thinking about something but I'm not sure.

Diana left about a million messages on my phone. That's really weird.

THEO THE RETURNING

Camp not so fun. :(

THEO THE

Frodo has a cough.

THEO THE WORRIED

Edit: Not the real Frodo, of course. My dog.

I'm back from Chicago. :) I got back a bit ago. I'm very tired.

I have to go to camp soon. I think I'll have internet there, though.

I'll catch up on my friend's page tomorrow. Sorry, guys. If anything huge happened while I was gone, let me know, okay?

THEO THE CRANBERRY

I don't hate everything possibly.

I was all packed up to go to Chicago but then I realized that Frodo has sequestered all my socks as things to cuddle with and so I had to unpack and repack everything so that it went in the right order. Frodo sometimes makes thing difficult.

I think if I had a superpower it would be phasing, or the ability to transport myself into an alternate dimension. I think that would be so cool and also very useful.

What's your favorite word? Mine is persnickety.

I really like raisins. But not in the sun. Oh, poetry references, how I should not be making you outside of English class.

THEO THE AMUSED

The barbecue was horrible, as expected. It was damp and drizzly, so we had to move it inside. This was the first annual barbecue without Jake being here. I think when he goes to college he might be here during the summer but this summer he decided not to come back just for the one day. it was weird because everyone sort of expected me to do all the stuff that Jake used to do only I'm not Jake. I kind of miss him because even though we were never that close when he was here he always was so big and took up so much attention and I could sort of creep away and people didn't pay attention to me. Now that he isn't here everyone pays so much attention to me and it makes me feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Jake also I think never really minded that I'm not like everyone else. I mean he'd poke fun at me about it and be like "Oh, Theo is Theo" but he never was like "Oh, Theo is Theo" as if it were something to be ashamed of and hidden away.

Jess wasn't there, either, which was very strange because usually she is there but this year she is at brain camp. Her family is there, though, and her mom told me lots of stories about how when we were little we used to make forts out of cushions and fall asleep on each other and one time when I fell asleep Jess drew all over me and I woke up and didn't know and then when I saw that I was messy I started crying and freaking out and they were all very worried because they didn't know what was wrong but Jess was very calm about it and just got some towels and water and helped me get it off. Jess has always been the only person who can calm me down when I am in a state. That's how my parents and their friends put it, that I sometimes am "in a state." It sounds so stupid, like I'm pregnant or have the vapors or something.

But Jess has always been the only person who really gets me and I get so nervous because we are growing up and soon we will be dating people and then we will be marrying people and when we were little we promised to be the most important people to each other always but I guess that's not how the world works. I think Jess's mom expects me to marry Jess which I suppose would solve that problem except that I could never think of Jess like that because she's Jess. But I don't want anyone to take her away from me.

I have Danny and Ollie and Samantha, too, of course, but it isn't really the same. Sammy and Danny have always been closest with each other and Ollie is kind of crazy and they are all really, really fun but they aren't comfortable like Jess is. I also hang out with Asher a lot, I guess, too, but that isn't comfortable int he slightest even though sometimes it is too comfortable which is confusing. I suppose I also hang around Emily sometimes, too, and that is nice, because Emily is very nice, but sometimes I feel like I don't know her at all, even though we've been hanging out all year. Sometimes I worry that I became so close with Jess when we were so little that I used up all my closeness.

Jess is going to go to college a year before I do. She is a year ahead of me. It will be weird when she isn't around anymore. I don't talk about her a lot because most of what we do together is private and not even that interesting, because mainly we just sit together and talk. The thing is when she leaves she won't know what is happening in my life and I won't know what's happening in hers so it won't be the same. I worry that she will find someone who will know what is happening in her life and talk to them instead and then she won't need me anymore.

I didn't mean for this entry to be all about Jess but she has been gone for a long time and we haven't gotten to talk and I really miss her.

I meant for this entry to be more lighthearted so I guess I will tell you guys about how I have successfully trained my campers to crack their knuckles whenever Asher tries to speak to them since he hates that sound. Speaking of Asher, he has been acting not so insane lately so I think I will unlock his computer for him soon and let him back on the internet. I'm sure some of you who are on his friend's list will be happy to hear that because he is much more interesting than me and also because his posts are usually funny and I kind of miss talking to him on these things too.

There are rats in my backyard. I think they are very funny because they run around in gangs and are actually kind of cute but when I pointed them out my mom threw a fit and my dad bought rat poison. I think I will find out where he has put it because I don't really want the rats dead and anyway, Frodo might eat it by mistake which would be horrible.

THEO THE THEODORIAN

So tomorrow there will be a barbecue. My parents are throwing it. I was planning to write more about it but suddenly I don't feel like it. Maybe tomorrow.

People have been setting off fireworks all this week , in preparation, I guess. It's really annoying because it makes Frodo flip out.

I don't really feel well. I know Asher was a sick a bit ago and now I'm feeling sick. If he got me sick I will make him pay.

THEO THE NOT FEELING WELL

Diana is insane. She won't leave me alone. I didn't update about it before, because I was kinda hoping that if I ignored her, she'd leave, but, no, apparently not. So, basically, Diana has decided that since the other members of the Fantastic Four have paired up with her and Emily's little group, obviously this means that she and I are destined to hang out together.

THIS CONCLUSION IS INCORRECT.

Now, you all don't know Diana, so you probably think I'm being kind of harsh. I mean, I am friends with Asher and Emily, right, and they are both friends with Diana. What you do not realize, however, is that Asher is a drunken fool and Emily is far too nice. I am neither of those things!

Diana is insane. I think she actually eats the hearts of her enemies for breakfast. She hates the world and not even in a quiet, crying in a corner kind of way. No, she hates the world in a loud, Theo-hurting kind of way. I personally am not in favor of any kinds of world-hating, but if I have to chose...well, let's just say that I have a healthy sense of self-preservation!

It's not fair! From what I can tell, Emily bakes Samantha cakes and Benny and Danny are in some sort of weird book club and Asher takes Ollie to bars and what do I get to do? Follow Diana around the mall for hours holding clothes for her!

Now she has decided that she has decided that I am "hiding something" which is ridiculous because I am one of the most open and honest people I know. She's determined to make me tell her. There is nothing to tell! Nothing! And if there were something, I would hardly tell her!

She'd only run and tell Asher, anyway, and while I'm doing a lot better with Asher now there are obviously things that I don't want him to know about me! And I'm a lot closer to Asher than I am to Diana so I don't see why she thinks I'd tell her things to go tell him!

In conclusion, Diana should leave me alone because she is scary!

THEO THE MASSIVELY OVERWHELMED

I just had a really nice conversation with the guy on the phone for Papa Johns. He was cool! I guess it was a slow night.

Good Movies In Theaters Near Me:

Iron Man (Which is still here, amazingly, and better on rewatches)
Incredible Hulk (I like it better than Iron Man)
Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones is always good to watch when hyped up on caffeine and sugar)
Get Smart (Haven't watched this yet, but I have Danny's word)

Not So Good Movies In Theaters Near Me:

Don't Mess with the Zohan(Just stupid and offensive without being funny)
The Love Guru (Which is a shame, since I love Austin Powers)
Kung Fu Panda (Not young enough to enjoy these sorts of movies anymore)
Sex and the City(Haven't watched it but I know I wouldn't like it)

I really want to see Get Smart, Wall-E and Wanted.

I was rewatching the live action Transformers movie the other night and I realized that at one point Megatron and Prime have a really weird dialogue. It's only three lines and they all are pretty classic action movie fare, but they make NO SENSE when put together like that.

( Spoilers, I guess, if you are really weird about that sort of thing )

So.

Asher taught my campers about sex.

More specifically, he taught my campers about gay sex.

Since they now know that Asher is gay and I am male, they have become obsessed with the idea that Asher and I are in a relationship.

Isn't life just wonderful?

Anyway, now I'm going to go hack his account and make him miserable.

THEO THE PISSED OFF

How could you betray us this way? Our foursome going to see movies together is sacred! You can't just bring along and Tom, Dick or Andy you want to! We are all wounded! Does our friendship mean so little? Do you not want to be part of the Fantastic Four anymore? Where did this go wrong? It doesn't have to be this way! We want thing to go back to the way they were before, Samantha. Do you remember those days, the days before you brought Andy to the movie theater? We thought we were friends. We thought we were a team. How could you throw that away all for some guy just because he lent you a pencil one day? How can this be? Seven years, Samantha, seven years! Did it all mean nothing to you? How could you hurt us so?

THEO, OLLIE, AND DANNY

PS: Danny, poor deluded soul that he is, wishes for us to say that he doesn't really mind that you brought him along and only wishes you had mentioned it beforehand. He also wants us to tell you that he thinks Andy definitely likes you and you should go for it because you seem sweet together. Samantha, see how he sticks by you despite you betraying him? See how he is hiding his pain because he wants you to be happy? How could you injure a soul so pure, Samantha, how?